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Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

Okay, I had this started and it canceled on me, so I'm going to try it again, maybe in a few parts. It's probably going to be awfully long anyway, but I think it's important. See, there's this girl, Amy Miller, who I've been best friends with for 5 years. And this is the story of us. She's been such a huge influence on who I am, and who I will be, that I think it's important to know about us if you want to understand me. And if you don't, don't read it. So here goes.

The first day of fifth grade, I was walking to class when I saw a girl, short with dark hair like me, walking the same way dressed in the most outlandish outfit I could have imagined. Yes, I was a naive little girl, until she came along. But anyway. She was dressed in a white tee-shirt, all but see-through, an imitation leather jacket with beaded fringe at the bottom, long white jeans, and huge gold hoop earrings. And I believe there was a bandana, _long_ before they became popular. So, she was quite a picture among the preppy kids at that school. I looked at her and marked her as "interesting but to be avoided." And it stayed that way until the day I got a puppy. I was leaping around the classroom telling everyone, and she was sitting lonely at her desk watching me. I noticed, and for some gods-only-know reason, went over and said "Hey Amy, I'm getting a puppy!" Like she hadn't heard the last 12 people I'd told. But she, who could have snubbed me cold, smiled and said "really? what kind? I've got a collie pup called Shadow" and pulled out a picture of her. Well, we ended up sitting together at lunch that day to talk about Shadow, and then of course the next day so I could tell her about Tierney, and then I wanted her to see him, so she had to come over for the afternoon, then she wanted me to see Shadow so I had to go over to her house the next day, and the rest is, as they say, history. But history I'm going to tell. We became friends quickly, since neither of us really had any close friends anymore, since she had moved, and I had skipped. And then we became best friends when she got in some trouble with some people, now also among my valued friends, but who then were little more than friendly aquaintances. Anyway, she told them something, or did something, I'm not sure what, but I defended her to them, and so for a while we just had each other. And we found that it was enough. We got in a lot of trouble that year, because we both had troubled home lives, and because we both had overactive imaginations, and when we took that and a bit of who-cares, 10yearold rebellion, you got trouble. She would come up with a hypothetical suggestion of something to do, I would build on it, she would get serious about it, I would follow her, we would do it, we would get in trouble. One time, I ended up on a little windowbox balcony thing outside a second story window. We got in a bunch of trouble for that, and for innumerable other small offenses. We never really meant any harm, we just didn't know when to stop. Like with the stories. See, one of the most fascinating things about her was, she was new. We didn't know about her past, she didn't know about ours. So, she told some stories. And I, not to be outdone, told them back. And they started to take on epic proportions. Of course, they were about sex. I mean, we were ten! It was THE one thing that of course we had never done, and so the one thing that had the most mystery about it, so we tried to explain it. She had Steven, who was this guy back in her old town who I guess she liked or something, but she told all these stories about them and all the crazy things they had done. And so I took this guy, whose name I won't mention, that I had grown up friends with (son of my godmothers sister.) and I told stories about the same kind of thing, saying that we had done it. And so her stories got bigger, and my stories got bigger, and by my birthday party, we were both saying we had slept with these guys. Then, we told somebody else. And that was when it all blew up, because being a sensible person, she knew we couldn't possibly have been telling the truth. So there was arguing, and accusations, and all sorts of un-fun things. We fought, we made up, we stayed best friends, but after that it was a wierd relationship. We played mind games for the rest of fifth grade, but by the end of the year, we had decided we were going to be together forever. Not in the lesbian sense, since it is the very rare fifth grader who even understands homosexuality, never mind thinks about it for themselves. Or at least it was then, for our class. Maybe it's different now, I don't really care. We just meant as friends, sisters even, forever. That sounds so sinister now...

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