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Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

I can't stand her sometimes. I mean, she can be downright cruel when she wants to. Or maybe she just doesn't think. But either way, she hurt me last night. A lot. And then later, she comes by my room and asks if I'm okay cause I seemed "out of it." It had obviously never occurred to her that I wasn't out of it, I was hurt, and I had been just fine and actually in a fairly good mood until I ran into her. That as I was biking to the first rehearsal of the season, I was starting to feel better about my role, or relative lack thereof. That I was thinking about how much fun it was going to be to be doing rehearsals et al again, to be fooling around in the barn, to be spending hours some days with Josh, which would provide lots of opportunity for flirting once Katie teaches me how. And I was starting to get happy. Which is when I park my bike by the barn, see her through the window, walk in the door. Say "Hey, Imp." She turns around, looking surprised. "What're you doing here?" A pause as I just sort of stare at her blankly. "Oh, wait, you got a part, didn't you?" she says, completely oblivious to the pain in my eyes. "Who are you again?" and then she flounces out the door before I can answer, and I am left mumbling something to the hallway, and all of a sudden my newly constructed good mood has gone crashing to the floor. So I follow her through the door, go and sit on the floor waiting for the director to get there, and watch her be all bouncy and whatever else. Then Josh walks in. Josh who I like quite a bit, and who Lila has just found out I like. And who I have never seen Lila anywhere near before. That Josh. He walks in, she runs up to him, flings her arms around his neck and goes "Jooosh!" all hyper and happy. And for the rest of the night, she flirts with him. And I know I have no right to care, seeing as how we are in no way going out or anything, but it still hurts that she's supposed to be a really good friend of mine, supposed to be a nice, human kind of person, and she will flirt with the guy I like, and I suspect just because I like him. Just, between everything that night, I was at the point of tears. Two of them. And I never cry.

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