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7:14 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

To anyone who actually reads, sorry for the non-updating, but I just have not been in any mood lately. I don't just mean, not in any mood for writing, I mean literally not in any mood. There will be spots where I'm really happy, and spots where I'm sad, but mostly, just nothingness. Not the depression kind. Just the not-quite-there, indecisive kind. I've been reading a lot. Four books in the last three days. By no means a record, but when we consider my utter lack of time at this school, it's impressive. What can I say, I've fallen in love yet again with science-fiction/fantasy mixes. It's inevitable, with me. And heaven knows I haven't been feeling sociable. It's strange. I feel left out. And awkward, around my own friends. I don't get it. At the same time as I'm getting better at talking to people, and just being less anti-social, I'm scared of my friends. Of what they think of me when I do this or that or the other thing. I'm scared of myself, and of what I think. And so I avoid people, and I leave myself out of things, and then I feel left out. My reaction to feeling left out, you ask? Why, avoid them, because if they don't want to play with you then you don't want to play with them. So there.

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