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8:59 a.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

By the end of today I'm halfway done with high school. There're exams all next week, yeah, but for all intents and purposes, I'm done. I can go on autopilot for exams. I'm taking the SATIIs tomorrow. French and biology. Look at me. I'm a good girl. I'm buying a whole fucking hell of a lot of weed through Cesca. Look at me. Maybe not. But it's all right. It's for after finals. After everything's over and done with and we can safely get ourselves high as kites without worries. So maybe a little. It's an interesting question. Elly got me thinking about it the other night. Elly being this rather righteous girl in our dorm, very moral, ladida. She says to me, as I'm standing in the bathroom in my robe trying to take a shower, she stops me and she says to me "how can you be so good at being good and still be bad?" Or something along those lines. That was the gist of it. See, her roommate is the innocent I thoroughly corrupted this year. It evidently took her until last week to figure it out. And she was rather outraged, but I don't know if it was because I'd done it or because I hadn't told her. She got over it fairly quickly, but she did ask me that. I thought about it. Shrugged. Said, I work really hard at being good when I'm good, at doing what I should and so on. And then, when I do indulge in behaviors not sanctioned by the general regime, I enjoy myself thoroughly, but I'm careful. And I don't think it's being bad, because my moral code doesn't revolve around the rules, but instead around the Rede. An it harm none, do as you will. She looked at me. Shocked. I think the idea of somebody making their own rules or breaking the established ones for any reason other than rebellion is quite foreign to her. I'm thinking, I handled that pretty well. Roo's not so hard to deal with once you figure out how she thinks. People just don't take the time. I never did answer her question, though. The question behind the question. The, are you a good witch or a bad witch, a good girl or a bad girl. That question. I don't know the answer. I'm thinking, I live my life. If that means school, then school. If that means sex, then sex. If that means partying, then partying. If that means comforting, then comforting. I live. The only thing I really try for. Living. Life. Itself. What else matters?

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