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12:42 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

Did you ever play doctor when you were a kid? The kind you play with the kid next door to see what's the same and what's different? The kind that later gets turned into so very many dirty jokes when you and the kid next door go to the same schools? Did you ever play doctor? I never did, or if I did I don't remember it. We had a war in kindergarten, boys vs. girls. The girls chased the boys around the playground, and if they captured them they brought them back to "the dungeon" and kissed them. I didn't want to kiss them. Ironies of life. So I was the nurse for both sides. Never played doctor but I was the nurse for both sides of the kissing war. Last night, though, I did something else. At 11:55 I found the one pair of thong sandals I own, slipped them on, and snuck out of my dorm. Dorm check's at 10. I'm the dorm head. I put the sandals on, slipped out the door by my room. Pretended to stretch and admire the moon in case my dorm parents saw me, then crossed the Crystal lawn. Stayed in the shadows. Dashed across the gravel footpath, well-lit all night. Hid in the shadow of a tree on the OGD lawn, took off those ridiculous sandals. Ran across their dark grass to the window at the end, the only one with a light still on. Scratched at the screen at 11:56. The theory was, I was trying to scare the Bear because she has this wretched tendency to come to my window between 9:15 and 10 and scare the shit out of me. One day she'll give me a heart attack. It never fails. Even when I know she's coming she makes my heart go up into my throat. I'm easily scared. So I was going to her window, at midnight, in the attempt to frighten her. She moved the curtain aside and laughed at me, standing there under her window. The theory was, I was just going to scratch at the window then go back to my own room. She asked me to come in. Snuck me in via the front door. We played therapist for an hour. Normal kids play doctor. We played therapist. At 1 in the morning. On a Wednesday.

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