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9:15 a.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

I'm tired. Really tired. I woke up four times last night without a clue of where or who I was. Literally. I woke up and nothing was coherent. I didn't know what the light was or my head. Somehow I stumbled into the bathroom each time and then back into bed. Four times. On complete autopilot, without a clue of what was going on. Today I have a headache and I'm tired. I'm going to be glad to be back in Chicago, but I'm afraid that's going to be even more disorienting than this place. Because in Chicago I don't know where I am either. It's confusing sometimes, all this moving about. Here, at school, which is home, where I live and love and fight and cry and laugh and, well. Live. Then there's Chicago, where theoretically I suppose I should be home, but I'm not. My family is there and it's nice to see them but they suffocate me. My life is here. My bed in a desk is here. My happiness is here. The city is nice. Rainbow Avenue is spectacular. The girls... But, regardless, I'm home here and I don't know why I would be any less disoriented there. I do want to go back, though. I want to be off campus for a while, I want to have my birthday and use gift money to buy a better Ani collection. Or Bif Naked. Or whatever. I want to relax for a while because I don't have time to breathe anymore. Then I want to come back. Right now I have to go do my math homework. And think about a dark-haired, blue-eyed girl I'm definitely developing a liking for. At some point there will be an entry concerning her. Really. There will. Now, math, sleep.

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