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1:33 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

Harum... Thoughts... Weekend was ripply. Friday, spent with Megan. Took some pictures, didn't really do anything of any interest, but lots of talking. And I am greatly fond of the talking, and of finally having a really truly bi friend within the same time zone. Lada, I miss you so! This is nice. She understands what it's like, at least part way. To have your sexuality be something that sets you apart. I have a bunch of friends who, while they do like girls, really prefer boys. So they can use the bi thing as a charm, but it doesn't really change anything for them. Doesn't make anything harder because while they may notice the attraction factor in a girl, they don't actually react to it. They can turn it on and off almost at will, and so in many ways it makes things easier. Then there's those of us who, while we do like boys, do enjoy their company and so on, prefer girls. Those of us who, when a girl of interest walks into a room, go ulp. Look at her and then look away and get all shy and then look again. And quickly look away. Those of us who can't turn it on and off, for whom it's just a facet of personality that cannot be controlled. It's nice to have somebody who understands that, at least, more than the others. I think she likes it, too, and we end up having these long talks about it that are just such a release.

And then came Saturday, SATs, babysitting, Cesca and the shroomies. I don't know what to think of all this. She keeps saying that we're going to trip together, and then I don't know what happens. She'd been saying it all week and then she all of a sudden has plans to do it with the Aspen bunch, which fell through but was still kind of strange, especially since she didn't even say anything to me about it. I don't particularly care about the tripping, but I do like to know when plans are made, unmade, so on and so forth. She said it Saturday and then we walk into the Lodge and half an hour later she and Andrew are chewing them up, faces disgust-filled but anticipatory. It wasn't the brightest thing anybody's ever done, tripping at school on a Saturday night, especially considering that she's a day student. But nobody ever listens to me until after the fact, so four hours later she's at home talking to me on the phone and it's all chaos and madness. And she still says we're going to do them, but there are no definite plans ever! So I'm beginning to think it's just a scheme of thought that's not really going to happen, and while that doesn't bother me in and of itself, I wish I knew what was going on. And then there's all the humor of the Menke's being pissed 'cause we took "naked pictures" of Auden and Anna when Cesca was babysitting there Friday. The kids were covered in diapers and wearing cloaks and absolutely not naked! They were both thrilled to pieces and having so much fun, and I'm sure once their parents see the pictures they'll understand, but still. Naked pictures indeed!

Sunday there was Sunday study and walking around Carbondale wearing my Elf Cloak going to lunch with the Bear. For the last two days, I've been in bed, and today, suffering through classes. Tiaan is such a dick sometimes; I'm lying in bed, surrounded by tissues and fluids, and he walks into my room and he's all "you need to clean in here." Well, yes, but not when I'm so stuffed up that I get dizzy whenever I move because there's excess fluid in my inner ears! And I can't talk so I just shrug at him and he frowns and we repeated this process, with him getting angrier each time, probably six times over the course of two evenings. Grar. So now I go to clean and take more medicine.

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