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6:58 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

My mind is clouded. I don't know how else to describe this feeling. Clouded. Like there's a translucent veil between me and the rest of the world and like that veil is keeping me here. I should go out, I should go do some shopping of the seasonal holiday variety, I should find my friends and do something illicit. Instead I think I'm going to end up sitting in this room, tied to the computer, playing Sims or IMing or whatever it is that I've spent the week doing. Really I haven't spent all that much time being inactive, but it feels like forever. I never have this much free time in real life and now that I do it's really unsettling.

I had a peculiar dream last night. I went to sleep at three, having stayed up until then letting my mind wander around behind the veil, and for the first time in a long while I dreamed. It went something like this...

It started in front of a big wall, wood, like around a medieval castle or fort. Somebody was coming down a hill into this area, and I was standing there. There were lots of trees and plants and stuff, but they weren't the color that flora should be, they were more like lime green. Like graphics gone awry, but nobody noticed. So this guy. I think he was on horseback, and he may or may not have been a sorceror. (yes, I dream in fantasy, leave me be) And he stopped near me and we exchanged greetings. He called me Healer, and he said something about a sheep, I think he had hurt it or eaten it or something and it belonged to the peasants. And I said that they had lodged another complaint and he said the peasants were about equal to their sheep as far as he cared. I looked up and then told him that he'd better flee, then, because the sheep were coming for him. There was this wave of peasant-looking people coming down the hill, angry. I think they were rioting. They moved like a flock of sheep, though. Then he (the sorcerer) did something and they kept moving but slower and slower, until they were stopped just in front of the gates. Then it got dark, and for some reason one or two of the young women in the flock were being pulled up with ropes, abducted, into the castle. The peasants got mad and went away, and I think one of the girls was let go or escaped but one of them stayed. I'm not sure if it was of her own free will or she had to or a combination. The next bit, she was out on this balcony on or near the top of the wall. We were all staying in this building that may or may not have been part of the wall, like a dorm or a barracks or something. We had rooms and the hallways were warehousy in a Buffy warehouse way. Those came later, though. So there was this girl, and she was standing on the balcony having a conversation with a miscellaneous friend, who wasn't there. It was like she was shouting down to her, wherever she was, and somehow she was hearing and shouting back, but they weren't shouting. It just sounded a little bit echoey. I don't remember what they were talking about, I think just about the place and her abduction. It's possible that the friend was actually the other one who was pulled up on the ropes and she was still hovering there. Never saw her, though. All we saw was the balcony railing and the black, black sky. Something that could have been a moon. But mostly black, black sky. And they were giggling in the way of girls, and then the balcony-girl goes "and I so do not have a crush on the cute healer at the end of the hall." Visual flash to a hallway, long and dusty, wood/concrete/random warehouse substance walls. We travel quickly down it, to a door at the end of the hall with my name on it. Just so we're sure I understand, my mind was kind enough to supply a little arrow pointing to that door, which then withdrew. The arrow, not the door. Cue the entry of Jessica Shields, this extremely cool girl who was in my dorm first semester and with whom I had some great talks, one with Cesca and Sara as well, before she got expelled after midterms. She slid out of the shadows of the stairwell that was just beyond the room of the balcony girl, but on the other side of the hall. She was wearing a smock dress, and hair like Ani's on a picture I've seen somewhere, but it was definitely Jessica. She asks, Is it true, does she like you? I go, I don't know. She says, Go ask Cesca, and points to my room. I go to my door, Jess slides behind the doorframe and gives me a mischevious smile. I open the door, to see Cesca lying on what is obviously my bed, though it's not my room at school or anything. It's just a warehouse-dorm-type room, the bed taking up nearly all the space, but there's a staircase going up. Cesca on the bed is crying, and tries to wipe her tears away when she sees me come in. I go to her, of course, and she says He was here. I ask who, she says "I think Lon was here. It was a big guy, built (she made a gesture indicating the built-ness of this guy). He was on Big Bens and Motorolas, with his bandana and shit. He acted just like old times, throwing my papers down, you know? (visual flash to big central staircase and papers going down the middle, then back to her) Of course, that could have been because we went down on each other..." My eyes started to get big, then I realized she was kidding and they stopped. She laughed at that, (visual flash to flame on a gas stove growing and enveloping saucepan then back) She calms a little but keeps crying and falls asleep with me holding her.

The dream ended there, but I woke up in the same position I was when she went to sleep. This was very strange.

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