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12:54 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

I want to do an entry like the one that Cesca did, on my perfect girl. Or boy. Person, I suppose, though so very much more likely to be female. I'm just not inspired. I am lacking in inspiration lately. Just generally tired and I don't organize my time and I don't do what I'm supposed to do. It feels like depression but different, because for the most part, overall, I'm happy. I've taken to having long talks with the river. I'm eating somewhat regularly and not sleeping a whole lot more or less than I should be, and I'm spending time with my friends, not shut away. Mostly. It's just. There's still this feeling, like monotony. Like when I'm not with my friends, I'm not doing anything of interest. I don't do my homework because my room isn't clean and I don't clean my room because I need to do my homework and I won't do either because I keep getting packages of books on the women's movement and the holiday presents that wouldn't go in my suitcase because they're all books. Which is great. I love books. But it's hard to carry a package of them all the way from the Barn to the North End when you have short arms and it's a heavy package. And then there's the electronic monopoly game. I figured out how to buy houses and then I won. Instructions are marvelous things. My classes are interesting. My homework probably wouldn't be very hard or even all that time-consuming but I just don't do it. Monotony. I never thought I'd get bored here, never thought I'd settle in enough to not feel slightly uncomfortable, enough to keep me on my toes. Really, I don't think that I have settled in that far, but it feels like it. I need something interesting to happen, need to do something challenging, need to find an outlet for this restless energy, because right now I'm just fermenting and I don't even have anything meaningful to say. Inspiration is lacking and I need something new and intruiging to motivate me. And I still want a girlfriend.

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