Lana feels

When you're not sure where do you go? I don't know where I go, but I'm unsure about a lot of things lately. I feel like I've lost that groundedness that I was beginning to find. This biology thing is still exciting but in a mild sort of way. I went to the X Games, which were not nearly as exciting as I thought they would be. I went snowboarding and maybe I just need to get my board tuned but for some reason I couldn't even get into that. My mind is playing hide and go seek with depression and at least this time I know what it looks like but it still scares me. I'm not unhappy. In fact, quite a lot of the time, I'm happy. But in an abstract, not grounded sense. A happiness that feels numb. Numbness. I thought I had defeated numbness. It'll go away, and I kind of know how to make it go away, but as things go I don't like it. My temper is short and my attention span shorter, I'm restless and numb. It's not bad, not yet, and if I can find something to make me laugh then it may just let me alone, but the work is too hard and I know I have to, at least, pass everything. I absolutely have to pass Algebra and I don't have an attention span and I don't know how to do the work we're doing but maybe if I had opened my book since semester, that would help. And now I've lost my attention span again! This time off to help the boys with word games.