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9:08 a.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

Cesca has been given the new nickname for which she has been bugging me for so long. She is now Kabu. She wants it to have a reason. I think perhaps she would not like the reason that there is, so I will come up with a new one. I'm crafty like that. American History will yet be the death of me but at least I finished this stupid paper for Julian. I'm debating never doing anything ever again. Somehow that doesn't seem like a very viable option, though, so I'll do what must be done and wait for summer. Spring trip is going to be great. A backpacking trip without the up-up-up-up-oh-help-I-can't-breathe problem I usually have. Lila is on my trip. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I rather suspect that like most things in life, it shall be what I make of it. I'm just not sure what I want to make of it. There's a still-tender scar on my psyche from our disrupted friendship. I cared about her a lot. My sense of self-preservation says it would be wise not do so again, because in all likelyhood I would only get hurt again, and that is to be avoided. But things will be what we make of them. I will make a good trip of this, and I will come to an understanding of the desert, and she can just be. I don't have to make decisions one way or another. Here's to just letting go. Control freak that I am, that's more of an achievement than you'd think.

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