Lana feels

Exhaustion hits. I'm incapable of this school business. It feels like no matter what I do, I just can't get it all done. Jeff said to me yesterday evening, among other things dorm-head-related, that I won't be in study assist next year. That he doesn't put seniors in study assist because by the time you're a senior either you know what you're doing or you don't belong here. Either something big is going to change in the next four months, or I guess I don't belong here. Cause I still don't know what I'm doing. I still don't know how to manage my time, how to juggle 34 assignments a week, or six a day. I still don't know how to get everything done well on time, and I hate half-assing things just to get them done. I don't know how to separate my personal life from school stuff, especially here where it's all the same. In a perhaps misguided attempt to explain to Jeff why my grades slipped this year, I told him the simple truth - it was a hard year, both academically and privately. Things went on with my family and with my friends that were beyond my control but which affected me strongly. He looks at me and says as if it's a crime, "so you let your personal life get in the way?" I'm sixteen years old. Sixteen years, five months, and twenty-four days have I spent on this planet. I've spent all but three weeks of two school years here, in my very first bid ever to try and succeed. But yes. Yes, I let my personal life get in the way. Sue me. I'm just a kid, sometimes, and I don't know what I'm doing yet.