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6:45 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

A whole world of possibility and I'm just waiting. The week before school starts is hard. I feel like I should be making lists or packing or doing something, but I don't really have anything to do. I'm all organized this summer, so packing clothes will just consist of putting the already-neat piles into the suitcases and leaving. Bree keeps dropping not-so-subtle hints for me to call her so we can do something. I guess I should, and I don't know why I wouldn't want to, but I just want to go home. I want to curl up into a little ball and go to sleep until next Thursday, spend two days packing and readying myself, and then get on the train and sleep some more and then get off the train and hug Jen and go home and set up my room a little and call Cesca and see her and Jessica and Josh and I will "get coffee or something" when he gets back from wilderness, but hopefully after he showers.

It's been an okay summer. It really has. Much more than I thought it was going to be. It was hard in places, and I hate the way my parents fight and I hate being the only adult in my father's life and I hate feeling like my loyalty is a contest for them, but I've managed to avoid most of it and get through okay. And it's been good in places. The University program was great, I made a few good friends, and now that I've met Justin's friends I find that I like them too. New friends being a good. But I want to go home. I want my little rectangular room in the OGD, I want a window and a bed and a desk and two closets and my life on the walls and my joys and my sorrows. I've learned some hard lessons at CRMS and I still want to go back, I still love the valley and the people (mostly) and the experience of my little hippy boarding school nestled in the crook of Mount Sopris and the Crystal river. And there is this... this promise of a joyful thing. And for that especially, I want this waiting to end.

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