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8:53 a.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

I went to dinner last night at the new home of my old advisor and his wife. I hadn't seen them since I got back to school, even though they live probably ten minutes from school, and I very much missed them. Three people from our advisor group went with our new advisor, and halfway through dinner Kat Ross showed up. Kat being my dorm mom of two years ago, my newspaper and stained glass work crews leader, a fairly constant source of good conversation, baker of delicious cookies... Kat being many things. A so-called grown-up who seemed different, who taught because she wanted to, who didn't get married to her partner of many years because she didn't believe in it, who really really cared. About me, even, and I trusted and cared about her. She left this place supposedly because she wanted to study law, and I knew I'd miss her but I thought I'd see her. I thought she'd come back to visit, that she'd care enough to keep in touch. After all, this is the woman who was talking about how after I graduated, she was going to set me up with a friend of hers she just knew I'd love. No such luck - she completely disappeared. And she got married. I asked George, who is also her father-in-law, what she was up to and he said that if I wrote her a note or something he'd get it to her. I was still musing over what to put in such a note, and then *poof* she shows up at Deb and Julian's last night. I'm out of my seat with my arms around her shoulders within a second, so happy to see her, and all she says when I let go of her is that she now understands how a python's prey feels. I don't know what I was expecting - I just thought she'd be happier to see us. Me. Thought she'd be interested in what I was doing, thought we'd talk like we used to, thought she'd tell me stories and promise to come visit. I was hoping for a joyful reunion, for the special pleased Kat look, for... something. I missed her. I wanted her to miss me. Instead she's just busy, and bitter about CRMS. And I'm just another kid, if one with an interesting sense of humor. Maybe I'm too sensitive, maybe I just get attached too easily, maybe... I just miss her.

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