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5:32 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

It just suddenly occurred to me as I was walking back from the bathroom how wierd it's going to be when I don't live here anymore. It's 5:30, and when I look in the windows of the kitchen doors I see Jeff setting up for dinner. The kitchen is brightly lit but the lights in the dining room and hallway are off and there's just the early evening light coming in through all the windows, making everything look softer. In the shadows by the fireplace Stephanie and Sarah are playing the piano and singing and I'm sure there are people playing pool in the student lounge. Somewhere below the level of my consciousness there's the buzz of all these people doing whatever it is they're doing - watching movies, having one last bowl before the end of the weekend, fucking, starting homework, procrastinating like me... People living together, though mostly off in their own little worlds. I know where everything is, here, I usually know where I stand. It's going to be strange starting over. Not bad, just strange. Mostly I'm looking forward to leaving, when we're busy and rushed and there are 100 people sitting together in the dining room and yet I strongly suspect we're not paying any attention to the people around us... Those times I'm ready to be somewhere, anywhere else. But then there are these quiet Sunday evenings, where the lack of people makes me fond of them, when I realize that there are things I'll miss. I'll miss seeing red stuff and a bowl of biscuits at the end of the kitchen line and knowing that we're having strawberry shortcake for desert, and I'll miss how peaceful and timeless the bar fork with the lights off in twilight can look, and I'll miss watching friendships around the tuneless piano.

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