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8:53 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

What a day. Emotional roller-coaster if ever I rode one, and believe you me when I tell you I've spent a good deal of time on emotional roller coasters. The morning was nothing special, then I get out of music and I open my mailbox and there's this big fed-ex type envelope folded over so it'll fit blocking the light from the bookstore. The return address - Mount Holyoke. Andy's standing behind me squeezing my shoulders as I open it and at first my hands are shaking so much that I can't even get it open, though I'm denying all the time that it has anything to do with admission, and then in the package there's an envelope and in the envelope there's a folder and in the folder there's a letter and in the letter there is my future. At least, the next four years of it. There is an expensive-looking, self-aggrandizing, hey-you-did-it, thrilling and terrifying and highly textured letter, and it says they want me. This college I so recently informed of its reputation for being full of intelligent lesbians, wants me to come and join their community and be educated and live in their palatial dorms and spend all the time I can stand in their gorgeous library. The library alone is enough to make me want to go there, and suddenly I am so very much my mother's daughter. And they want me. It, ostensibly, gives them great pleasure to want me. I read that first delightful sentence and suddenly I couldn't breathe - I turned around and hugged Andy, of my own volition, and then Beda and even Julia, a girl I've never spoken to, came up and gave me a hug. When I was done hyperventilating I went and found Josh and smacked him over the head with my textured blue folder, and Aaron took the letter out and read the rest of it - I made him read it out loud because I couldn't get past the first sentence. Then I found Tom and showed him and he looked so proud of me, and hauled me off to his office to call my parents. For the first time in three years I really wished I could have been home. My mom doesn't really do the emotions thing, and she sounded really happy, and then I called my dad and the pride in his voice nearly made me cry. He loves me so much. And people keep hugging me, and Tom chuckles every time he sees me.

And then, in the fashion of roller-coasters, I went from waaay-up-high to really calm and sleepy and a little sad. We saw Journey to a Hate-Free Millenium courtesy of the Stepstone Center and then we did discussion. He'd ask questions and we'd walk over to the card that said "agree" "not sure" or "disagree." It always amazes me how clueless people manage to be. And then, sleep.

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