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10:17 a.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

Okay, that was quite enough whining. Yesterday got better - I drove with Halicue over to the east bay (mean anything to you? No, me neither) to a meeting/conference/training seminar on how Planned Parenthood and other teen health providers can better work with and help non-heterosexual youth. Wonderful, something I'm interested in. Of course, it would be a little much to expect me to be able to keep my mouth shut, and so within the first two days of knowing these people I've outed myself. Probably best to get it over with, as it does tend to come up. It's still hard to do, even with people I know will be completely unfazed by it. Possibly because it still bothers me a little, sometimes, no matter how well I know that it shouldn't. It certainly didn't seem to make much of an impact on these people, but I was all butterflies for a few minutes. The meeting itself was great - I found out a lot that I never knew, and got to talk and was listened to. Once it was over one of the women who was leading it got me through new branches of public transit, and I made it back to Burlingame. Late, but I got there.

Generally this is the end of the lip-chewing part of my day and I get to relax and smell springtime, but not yesterday. Instead, I noticed that the stores along the Avenue were still open, and I was still fretting enough about the dress code that I ventured into Banana Republic. (yes, Ces, laugh if you must) I meant just to look. They had black slacks in the window, so I thought I would see if any fit. But it was empty, and so the saleswomen converged and before I knew what was happening their friendly smiles and helpful attitudes had pushed me into the fitting room with six pairs of pants and three fit and I told them so and suddenly I was the owner of three pairs of slacks. Expensive slacks. So there was more lip-chewing until I told my mother who, in a completely out-of-character response to the expenditure of money, did not make any threats on my life. And Heather was sweet and reassuring and flattering and I blushed a good deal and felt better. Today I look... Less like a gawky teenager. Not quite like an adult, but less like a gawky teenager. I still don't know what I'm doing, but at least I look the part.

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