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12:02 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

My baby sister turns 14 today. Not such a baby anymore. I miss the kid, a lot more than I think she knows, and yet another thing on my lengthening list of good-things-coming is getting to see her. At graduation. *shudders* I'm so mixed up about this. The event itself, everything it means, the packing and moving and going home. Two weeks from yesterday and I'll be moving back into my room, with my bed and my dog - for 3 months, it'll be the only place I call home, for the first time in 3 years. I want to be done with school - I'm sick of geometry, of this looming psych lab, of final projects in every class... But then sometimes it's beautiful and AG comes over at 9:30 to tell me my lit paper is "fuggin brilliant" and I know that brilliant may be an overstatment but it's better than anything I've written in months. And today is my sister's birthday and the lilac bush outside the Leahy's house has exploded in blossoms and I'm wearing shorts and it's Wednesday and... I'm so torn. Terrified of what the next week will bring (starting with my family), of graduating, of leaving the safe space I've so carefully built around myself here. Thrilled about going home, about leaving high school behind, about seeing Heather. Two weeks and there's no expressing how happy that makes me. I don't know why I bother being torn - it's not like I can do anything about it now, even if I wanted to, which I don't. But there's suddenly just a week and I feel like I have the whole world to say goodbye to.

Plus. I have to pack.

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