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10:24 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

I hate that two months ago we were exchanging daily doses of sappy can't-wait puppy-love letters and now I'm wondering if it's worth trying to salvage a friendship. I just don't get what happened with us. I know I'd like to be friends, I know I thought we got along, I know that when she said it felt like we'd known each other forever I told her I didn't think she was crazy, but here we are and it's been two weeks since her birthday party and we haven't spoken. And I don't think about her much, but then she pops up on my buddy list and I'm torn between IMing her and just taking her name off the list. Between trying to rebuild a friendship whose collapse mystifies me and having too much pride to chase her around when she's making it pretty clear she doesn't care. Hello, abandonment issues, it's so nice to know you're still lurking just under that layer of shiny scar tissue. Metaphorical shiny scar tissue. Mostly. *sighs* This is not how I wanted this to go, but I also don't care as much as I thought I would/kinda think I should. Because I'm a terribly callous person? All evidence is to the contrary. So why?

However, in more cheery news, I talked to three Mt. Holyoke 07ers today. One of my roommates and a couple of others. Even got up the nerve to IM one all by myself who I'd found profile-surfing, and another one IMed me who had found me the same way. So I made excited squeaky noises at my family and they again reaffirmed their opinion of me as a complete and total lunatic. Yay for lunacy.

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