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7:37 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

In the goodnews column, I finally got enough spine to call Anna and she turned out to be really nice and I think this whole triple business is going to work out quite well. In the nostalgia column, I finally found a VCR in this house that works and played the videotape of my Wilderness that Peter gave all three of us who made it through the subsequent three years as graduation presents. For one thing. I was such a twerpy little kid three years ago. I mean, I knew this, but it's one thing to kinda know it and another to see it on video. The fact that it was a wilderness trip so I was constantly in this red bandana that clashed terribly with my freshly-fried-dyed rainbow hair and all manner of fleece and polypro long underwear didn't help matters, but even without all that... I was so young. And then I think of everything that had gone on in my life before that point, and it seems ridiculous that I could still be so young, that none of that left me with some sort of poise, but it was all gawky self-conscious 14 year old radiating off me in waves. So there's that. And then there's everything that's happened in between, and going back to the beginning... I don't know what I'm going to do without that place. Without CRMS, all the good and all the bad, I wouldn't be who I am today. I can't fathom who I would be, but she wouldn't be me, and I'm kinda loving being me right now so that would suck. I'm not really that worried about what I'll do without it - I'll go to Mount Holyoke and continue with this whole growth and development process we so glibly call life. But I'm going to - I do - miss it like hell.

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