Lana feels

So this is what it means to really miss someone. It's been a long time since I've felt this way, and I quite despise it. I want her so badly, and I can't have her, and I'm caught in this loop of want but can't have and I don't know what to do without her. I haven't even spoken to her, haven't even heard her voice, since we said goodbye. A last kiss, stolen in the moments before she had to follow her father out to the car, a hug, and I didn't know then how much it would hurt to let go. How much it would hurt 3 days later, sitting here wallowing in the lack of her. When Shelby told me it would be ok, that I would miss her but I would get through it, I nodded and shrugged and thought to myself, I'll be okay. I don't need anyone. It's nice to have her around, I love her to pieces, but I don't need her. Which was, as I look at it now, patently untrue. I need her. Need her wrapped around me as we sleep, need her chin nestled in the hollow of my shoulder, need the weight of her and her hands and her mouth and the way she looks at me and... Her. And I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to need.