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11:38 a.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

I am the queen of procrastination, but today I took off my crown for a little while and did two things I've needed to do for a relatively long time. Went and talked to Laura. I finally said some of the scary words that have been floating around the limits of my consciousness for months now, and while it doesn't change much to have them said, at least I've said them. Things that are out in the open are usually easier to deal with than limit-of-consciousness things. And then I talked to Bronwen, if briefly, about my english paper. I still don't know if I have an extension on it, but at least I've talked to her. It was scary and I didn't want to but I did and now at least I don't have to avoid Heather because I've done it. I hate it when support people become obligation people. That was always the wonderful thing about Stacey - she never bugged me about my schoolwork. She understood that the problem was not my grades, it was my life. The grades were a symptom. She was the only shrink I ever had who got that. Heather is supposed to deal with grades. That's her job. So she becomes a person who wants me to do things, and one more person to disappoint when I screw up. I hate that.

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