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11:15 a.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

I wonder sometimes if I'm supposed to be more clingy, if I'm supposed to plan out more of the spending time with my friends. I tend to just drift in and out of things, doing what catches my interest at the moment and then going away, and sometimes I think people take it personally. It's not meant that way, it's just how I am. If I wander away from somebody or if I don't seek somebody out, it's not because I don't want to spend time with them, usually. I always feel like I need a reason to talk to somebody, to call them or email them. Sometimes I'll invent a reason, if it's somebody I want to converse with and don't know very well, but mostly I'll say what I have to say and then I'll go away. Rani used to get mad at me for never calling her, or for having short conversations when I did call, but at least at first it was nothing personal. Then she started being scary and stalker-like and I just didn't want to deal with her (okay, until I kissed her, but that was a fluke. Don't kiss your stalker.) and so I stopped calling at all, ever. The original topic behind all of this is that because Cesca's a day student I don't see her half as much as I'd like, and I wonder if I should do things like call her. Might as well get in the habit of it now, because once she goes away next year I'll never see her if I don't contact her. That would be terrible. So I suppose I should learn how to use the phone. A lifetime of being anti-social is not easy to unlearn at the age of sixteen...

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