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9:01 a.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

Well, that went. I'm not sure yet just how it went, but we all got through it. I've told the story ("debriefed") all the dorm parents except for Lori, I talked to Lauritta and Savannah, I even called Amanda to ask if she had any advice. And now sitting in the computer lab overhearing gossip and I'm just so sick of this highschool shit.

I'm looking so hard for someplace to belong. I want people like me. I want a place where I can live at the library and talk philosophy and literature and genetics, and know what I'm talking about, without anybody scowling at me because I'm making the rest of the class look bad. I want a place where when I say I don't have to study for the vocabulary test nobody says "oh, it's just cause you're so much smarter than us, right?" in that lovely sarcastic tone that I've been hearing ever since I could read and the others couldn't. I just get so sick of it. Maybe it would be better if I would just learn to keep quiet about it, and if I went back to the philosophy of keeping my mouth shut or pretending not to get it when people ask me. No. I think not. I think I'm going to college next year and I can't believe how excited I am. College. A good senior year here, and then a whole new world.

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