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9:11 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

There is a best-friend shaped hole in my life and I really, really hate it. It's this... This pressure behind my eyes when I think about her not being within reach, a thousand wierd moments where I go to tell her something and she's not there, the extra four digits in her phone number to remind me that she's not just down the road anymore. There's also a mountain-shaped hole, a CRMS-shaped hole, a Chris-and-Lady-H-shaped hole... It's a Colorado-shaped cluster of people-shaped perforations, and this Chicago existence is no substitute. It's nice. It's nice not having to worry - I'm officially doing nothing with my days, so there's not a lot of stress. I run, I bike, I play with Sierra and my sister, today I ran errands, I've been home a week and I have yet to do laundry, I do the dishes, I sleep odd hours. It's summer. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe it's that this is the first unstructured (read, no summer school) summer I've had in 3 years. Between CRMS and that, I'm just not used to inactivity.

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