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08:14 a.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

You can't hide behind social graces. So don't try to be all touchy-feely. You laughed in my face of all places, but I've got no problem with that really. What bugs me is you believe what you're saying. What bothers me is you don't know how you feel. What scares me is while you're telling me stories, you actually believe that they are real.

-Ani Difranco

The thing about diaryland. The thing that makes it so popular, with all different kinds of people. There're lots of things. The voyeurism. The venting place. All of those. But there's another that's just occurred to me, sitting here in the guest room of my parent's house. Everybody wants to be an artist. They want to be seen as artistic and talented. Writing is an art. And the thing about writing is, you have to write what you know. What that tells us when I turn out to be more capable of writing good horror than I am at the fantasy I love, I'm not sure. Probably that I have to go back and reread Tolkien, Bradley, and McCaffrey, and stop reading Grisham and King. But, I'm sidetracking. The first thing they tell you when you say you want to write, is to write what you know. Not necessarily about yourself, but it usually ties in with your life in some way. Just write about what you know. Or if you can't do that, learn about what you're going to write about. Don't write a crime novel if the closest thing to a criminal you've ever seen is a man yelling in a bar. But a diary is perfect, because you know all the facts. Or, that's the idea. The truth is, they get embellished. You make the story prettier, especially once you get an audience. So you get your life, but you get it edited for greater drama, or less fear. Life by Disney, where you didn't waver and the silences dropped like iron curtains. Which is why it is possible for CubicleGirl to be named Diaryland's Drama Queen. Because life is so much more dramatic when we let ourselves re-write it. But, I kind of like it that way. Like the idea that people are looking in that tinted window, and maybe liking what they see. So welcome to my greatest masterpiece; my life.

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