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12:13 p.m.

Lana feelsThe current mood of xengirl at www.imood.com

I don't want to feel relieved. I really don't. It was a good couple of weeks, and for the most part I think it went well. Lada and I did eventually talk over what was bothering her and while I don't think we particularily solved anything at least it cleared the air. With any luck, no permanant damage was done, so I suppose that's all okay now. Lila says she had a good time, and I'd really rather not doubt it, though had I been her I think I would have felt exceedingly awkward. She's good like that, at dealing with things. So she had fun, and I had fun, and I'm hoping Lada will have had fun once she gets home and relaxes a little. I'm relieved anyway. Relieved that we all survived, and I'm still on speaking terms with both of them, and, relieved that there will be peace and quiet and solitude again. That's the part that's bothering me, I suppose. Much as I love seeing my friends, and I do love it, I also crave my privacy, and having time to myself. I'm not a naturally sociable person. It takes concious effort to be with people, and that's draining when done for two weeks. Lila noticed, and helped more than she knows (or maybe she does, with her I never know) with a well-placed hug or look or comment. I did enjoy the hugs, of which there were many from everyone. Now I'm off to Minnesota for the week, and then 4 days 'till I'm off to school again. It's been a long summer, but the end of it is coming fast now, and going to Minnesota will be nice if only because time is slow there. Lying on my grandparents' lawns, doing my summer reading, and hopefully lots of writing. It's time I started doing some actual thinking again, and a lot of sorting out, before school starts and then during it. I have a lot more changing to do before I'm satisfied with who I'm becoming, and somehow writing is always a catalyst for that. Back in a week! -Lani

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