Lana feels

I found my ring. Pretty silver simple smooth ring that fits exactly right into the groove on the bottom of my ring finger on my right hand. It feels good to have it there again - I had left it in the shower and then on my desk all weekend and I was disoriented. I am a creature of habit. I talked to Heather, the wonderful wise woman who is called the learning disorder specialist, for nearly two hours on Monday. I was supposed to go in to arrange for a tutor - I had just finished with twenty minutes of Julian bitching at me. Heather looked at me with those kind eyes that understand that things are hard and that nothing is ever what it looks like, and within ten minutes of being in there I was bawling on the couch. She talked me through it, talked about self-sabotage and the basic rights of anything alive, I told her the very basics of freshman year and life before CRMS and she reassured me that this was still my place, that even if I'm not doing perfectly I'm going to be okay. That I am okay. That it is okay that I am. I bawled. AO gave me a pear. I don't like pears but I took it anyway cause he meant it nicely. Sniffle. Crying. Strange phenomenon but it always does help, it's always a release, I will never teach my children not to do it. Horrible thing to teach children - don't cry. Don't cry, don't be a baby, that didn't hurt but if you don't shut up the next one will. Heather is wonderful. I will have a tutor. It will be okay.