Lana feels

In walked a man in the shape of a man, holding a hat shaped hat. So I decided to go to Borders for to purchase Up x 6, and Emily and I did the goodbye thing, but it turned into a 5-hour sitting in the park talking about everything kind of goodbye instead of a brief one and I have to pack but I wouldn't have skipped tonight. I love the friendship we have - I talk to her about things I don't talk to most people about, and when I tell her there was a time when I was quiet and didn't talk she scoffs in disbelief and I realize that I never had that time with her. We just talk, play on the swings, chase each other around the play structure, scream, laugh, make undignified noises and honest confessions... It's simple, uncomplicated frienship and I enjoy it. And I managed to get her a birthday present right under her nose without her noticing, which made me happy because I love surprises and the way people look when they get pleasant ones.

And now... Now I really have to pack. 'Cause I've put it off far too long and it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm leaving at 10, and I just... I don't know if I'm ready for this. I am, because I have to be, but right now it's hard to think like that. Right now I'm just not packed, and not feeling particularily inclined to be. I'm comfortable in this chair. I'm not nervous about school, just about the packing and whether or not I have everything I need. I hate feeling unprepared - I'd hate to get there and realize that I didn't bring any underwear or something equally silly. The solution to this, I realize, is not to sit here and write about it but to go and pack my underwear into a bag so I know I have it, but.. School. College. Future. Confrontational Adulthood. I don't want to pack, I want to crawl into my comfy bed with its soft sheets and big puffy microsuedecloth comforter and safely enclosing suspended curtain and stay there.

But then, looking over, I see that my little sister took me up on my jesting suggestion that she organize my CDs for me when she finished her homework, and I'm touched. Sweet child. She put them in the wrong places, but she's a sweet child for trying anyway. I suppose if she can do that for me, I can go pack my clothes so I won't have to be naked at college.